How the NY Jets Can Actually Make Tim Tebow Useful by @genericwhiteboy
“Let’s face it; baseball isn’t the first sport you think of when planning your next tailgating adventure. How can anyone get worked up over a 162-game season for which everybody’s so damn laid back? A bunch of guys standing on a freshly mowed lawn, successfully hitting a ball with a stick 30% of the time if they’re good at it, does not exactly inspire one to fire up the grill and excitedly holler at nothing in particular.
Until now, that is! We sat down and racked our collective hive mind for well over 10 minutes, and have devised five foolproof ways to make baseball more tailgate-friendly.”
Bill & Ted Must Change History to Save Future Games — @genericwhiteboy did their homework for them. http://cbsloc.al/ReqJrv
Video game villains! Spruce Up Your Evil Castle with these spring tips from @genericwhiteboy
This giant chunk of muscle was what the World Wrestling Federation deemed to be a “bodybuilder.” They had a whole group of ‘em, and dubbed them the World Bodybuilding Federation. Dressing up meatheads in bad Halloween costumes was such a rousing success, that the whole thing was cancelled within a year. Guess the Phantom Of The Opera bodybuilder wasn’t phantom-y enough to sway the crowd.
That, and more head-shakingly bad attempts to merge pro wrestling with the mainstream, in my latest for Topless Robot. This is how I honor WrestleMania season, apparently.
This is a drumstick covered in 11 herbs and spices; my attempt at improvising KFC’s secret recipe. It went about as well as you might imagine. I also attempted to make a Shamrock Shake, and a Doritos Locos Taco, all from scratch, and totally off the top of my head.
Sadly, this is my final article for Zug, as the website is shutting down at the end of the week. So, anyone who wants to see me continue to put myself through horrible experiments in the name of comedy, feel free to PayPal me a generous fee, and I’ll think of something goofy for this here Tumblr. The keyword here is “generous.”
Life’s full of tough questions: how much should governments intervene in private life? Should gay people be allowed to marry each other? Should Creationism be taught in schools? Are evil robots better at fighting to the death than superstar NFL wide receivers?
Guess which issue I’m here to talk about. Yep, Megatron battles Megatron in my latest piece, because I am an important member of society with a lot to say.
Interview: @AddyStarr, Hardcore Women’s Wrestler by @genericwhiteboy
That club-looking thing is actually food, a horseradish root to be exact. it’s stupidly hot and tastes like crap. So maybe some ice cream on top will help? Either that or it’ll make me hate ice cream forever.
In addition to that bit of goofiness, I took many more super-vegetables, and attempted to make them tastier by adding junk food. The results were mixed. Sometimes I grimaced, sometimes I gagged, other times I doubled over in pain. Like I said, mixed.
In Part 2 of my ongoing Defending The Dumb series, I stick up for poor, misunderstood Dennis Rodman. All he wanted to do was save the world and make a friend, and everyone’s calling him a moron, an attention whore, and an apologist for genocide. Some people are just plain rude, right Dennis?
So the big bosses at Urban Titan have this poster for sale, featuring all your favorite fictional robots hanging at a beach party. They asked me to write something about robots as a tie-in. What do I do? I start theorizing about the best way to beat some of these hunks of metal in a bare-knuckle brawl. Because that’s an important skill to have, in case you ever come across a real life robot beach party, and feel the need to throw down.
This poor schlub is a professional bowler, and managed to finish a game with 100 stinking points. ONE-HUNDRED. Drunken lunatics with half their fingers missing could pull of a 100.
This guy proves that pitifully bad sports outings aren’t just limited to old-timey games like that 222-0 drubbing from 1920-something that football fans love to harp about. No, we’re still pretty adept at failing miserably, even though we’re supposed to have figured out how sports work by now.
Game from the Grave: ‘Tomb Raider: The Action Adventure’ DVD
One of the downsides to growing up is that life gets so damn BUSY. Gotta work,…
The NFL Runs a Caption Contest (and It Is Awful) by @genericwhiteboy
By the time Karate Kid 3 rolled around, Daniel-san was one of the greatest karate experts around. So what’s this? Well, the writers needed to build intrigue, so they wrote in a couple awkward scenes where he manages to forget everything he was ever taught, and become karate krap once again. Thus, we get to root for the underdog again, hooray!
This happens more than you might think, as I detail in my latest piece. In Hollywood, you can go from Champ to rookie in the blink of an eye, if money and sequel-itis demand it.
