It’s fantasy football season. Here’s how to throw a draft party in the Internet Age.
And today, I grace Tailgate Fan with my yamblings! Wanna throw a fantasy football party, but can’t because your entire league is online? Luckily, I have a few incredibly serious solutions that every last one of you should try at least once. Would I lie?
READ IT HERE
The bands I grew up listening to would never do any of this Disney Channel bullshit, right? (Hint: Wrong.)
My newest from Cracked, but this time it’s different. I’ve been promoted to Cracked Columnist, which means it’s my voice, and not just the Cracked Voice. I’m trusted to be funny on my own, for an audience of hundreds of thousands, possibly millions.
And I take advantage of this by pointing out how cool-ass “real” rock stars, the ones that define balls and artistic expressiona nd all that jazz, actually do the exact same shit that all those youngun’s did on MTV recently. Does that mean that Ozzy will be twerking in a week? God, we can only hope so.
READ IT HERE
Instead of adding to the endless sea of Call Of Duty clones that we get every other week, maybe some more interesting ideas could get another chance to thrive. Such as …
So Christopher Columbus had a game where he battled prehistoric creatures and sea monsters. And it got cancelled because original ideas are for weenies. This game, plus a bunch of others, deserve an actual run on the shelves, so sayeth me.
ARTICLE, VIA TOPLESS ROBOT
One of the great things about the Internet is how everybody gets a voice. It’s also one of the worst things about the Internet, especially when the voice is loud and obnoxious and, worst of all, misleading.
I got me a new article, which is kinda rare these days. So much of what i do now is behind-the-scenes and/or unpublished: TopTenz editing, Cracked editing, In-House writing for Distractify, The Geekout disappearing without publishing my last article there, a buncha Man Cave Daily stuff scheduled for later this summer, me auditioning for this cool job and that one, and so on and so forth.
But now here we are, with a new article, on a new website! Via Oh, Pish Posh (yep, that’s their name), here’s a piece about stuff the Internet loves to bits, but Real Life people pretty much ignores.
And no, George Bush is not one of them. That’s just the picture Tumblr chose. Troll Tumblr.
Tons of cartoons are ripe for an Invasion Of The Bodyslammers. All Vince needs is a semi-plausible angle to explain why they’re there.
So the WWE is doing a crossover movie with The Flintstones, as an alternative to making their wrestling show more interesting. Well, if this is what they wanna do, they might as well go all out and cross over with everything. I offer eight possibilities to get the nightmare ball rolling.
Despite it’s endless humor and characters galore, nobody ever made a Freakazoid game. Why, because they were afraid they’d just mess it up and gamers everywhere would be depressed? That never stopped them before!
Actually, there are a lot of franchises that shockingly never got the “puke-inducing videogame” treatment. I covered a bunch of crap from the ’80s before, and now it’s the ’90s turn. Whether I cover every decade from the 20th century or not is all dependent on how willing Topless Robot is to not shoot me in the face for milking this idea.
“Let’s face it; baseball isn’t the first sport you think of when planning your next tailgating adventure. How can anyone get worked up over a 162-game season for which everybody’s so damn laid back? A bunch of guys standing on a freshly mowed lawn, successfully hitting a ball with a stick 30% of the time if they’re good at it, does not exactly inspire one to fire up the grill and excitedly holler at nothing in particular.
Until now, that is! We sat down and racked our collective hive mind for well over 10 minutes, and have devised five foolproof ways to make baseball more tailgate-friendly.”
This giant chunk of muscle was what the World Wrestling Federation deemed to be a “bodybuilder.” They had a whole group of ‘em, and dubbed them the World Bodybuilding Federation. Dressing up meatheads in bad Halloween costumes was such a rousing success, that the whole thing was cancelled within a year. Guess the Phantom Of The Opera bodybuilder wasn’t phantom-y enough to sway the crowd.
That, and more head-shakingly bad attempts to merge pro wrestling with the mainstream, in my latest for Topless Robot. This is how I honor WrestleMania season, apparently.