Witness Battleshots, a dumbass drinking game parody invented by every college kid who ever existed, but only shamelessly marketed for money by one company. If you pay money for something you can make with a pizza box, you didn’t deserve that money anyway.
This game is picked apart, along with nine other pointless drinking games that want your money, in my newest article via TopTenz. Check it out now, before you get too drunk to remember words later on.
What’s worse than regular people pretending to be hardass and cool? How about when bland corporations do the same thing, such as above? My latest for TopTenz picks apart those sad attempts by companies to be badass and in-your-face.
For whatever reason, famous people think the can do anything. This includes singing children’s songs. As it turns out, very few celebrity kid’s albums are worth your while. Luckily, me writing about said albums is totally worth your while!
So let’s kick of 2013 with my latest from Man Cave Daily, featuring a video of me failing to talk correctly. People acting stupid is always a crowd-pleaser around these here Internets.
In two days, the world will either explode, get crushed by an asteroid, or be devoured by giant mutant worms. Please let it be the latter; that way, my newest article will make me look like a soothsayer. Sadly, a dead soothsayer. Because I would be eaten by a worm. But it’d be so worth it to be right.
All these people squawking about 12.12.12 being the last sequential day ever just aren’t aiming high enough. I totally plan on seeing 01.01.01! Course, I’ll be 119 and swimming in a pile of my own drool by then, but at least I can say I saw another sequential day. Provided I’m able to wheeze the words out by that point.
See that? Multiply it by five and you’ve got what I just tortured myself with, all for the sake of comedy. For my latest Zug piece, I sat through Air Buddies, Snow Buddies, Space Buddies, Spooky Buddies, and Santa Paws, and am now prepared to petition Obama so he makes any future Puppy Speech Technology 100000% illegal. Trust me; it’s in humanity’s best interests.
Just in time for the random-ass re-release of the first film on Blu-Ray, I bring you my newest Man Cave Daily disasterpiece. Why can’t these two numbnuts in a phone booth make for a good video game? Well, as it turns out, their developers were dumber than they could ever hope to be. I take them to task and suggest something better, because I have a long career in game development and clearly know what I’m talking about.
This drunken lush was an ancient Greek God. You stand a real good chance of beating him up, which is probably one reason nobody worships him anymore. This, and five other sorry excuses for all-powerful deities, are properly mocked in my debut for 604Republic’s TheGeekout page. I wasn’t kidding when I said I’m taking over the Internet.
My Zug debut is now up and ready for your amusement. I suffered through hours of this:
Yes, dozens upon dozens of Kidz Bop songs went through my poor little ears, and I documented all I observed. Why? Well, they learned I have a kid, and suggested I focus on enduring/reviewing horrible children’s entertainment. It pays well, which is good. I’ll need to afford therapy somehow.
Oh, the article’s split into three parts. Click the links at the end to keep reading. Each part is better than the last, in my humble opinion.
See this guy? He sucks. And we know this because at least 284759283058204829 people have told us that he sucks. We get it; find something else to riff on. This guy, plus nine other examples of cliche overload, get torn to shreds in my latest TopTenz article. Every late-night talk show writer needs to read this article five times a day, justso they remember exactly why they should cut that brilliant Justin Bieber-looks-like-a-girl joke they just typed up.
…more or less. But as of today, I’m officially a part of two new sites, in addition to my other stomping grounds. I sold my first article to The Geekout, a startup dork-culture humor site, and got paid thousands, just THOUSANDS, of pennies for my efforts.
In addition, I signed paperwork to join Zug today, specializing in what I call “Parental Advisory.” Basically, they liked a pitch of mine I made during our Skype call, and then heard my kid playing in the background. They put two and two together, and suggested that I focus my writing on various awful kid’s shows/music/movies/etc. In short, I’ll be torturing myself by putting up with this crap (listening to a string of Kidz Bop albums, watching all the Air Buddy movies in a row, etc.), and then documenting the results. It’ll be grand.
And of course they pay me, so I won’t have to dip into my savings when the inevitable therapy sessions begin.